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Death Star Cruises Anyone?

by Dave Elliott

I was just looking through my email, when I received a message from the folk at Virgin Holidays Cruises about a survey they recently conducted asking ‘Which famous ships would you most enjoy taking a cruise on?..’, which came back with a number of interesting results…

6th – Death Star – 4.9%

Out of the 6 options, the Death Star came last, picking up only 5% of the vote, which is hardly too surprising, given the entire thing is basically a planet melting laser! Okay, so I imagine there could have been a hotel in there… maybe some tennis courts, and a pool onboard somewhere, although I doubt it… Of course you would have to deal with a slightly grumpy Darth Vader when you go for lunch

5th – Marie Celeste 8.8%

Okay… So, I suppose, if they started offering cruises after all the crew vanished, you’d have plenty of space and food! The ship holds about 10 people, so you could bring a few mates along, and if the 1,701 barrels of commercial alcohol they left with is still on board, that’s one heck of a party boat… until everyone mysteriously vanishes… ;)

4th – The Black Pearl 14.8%

Humm… I’m guessing this one is only really going to be popular if Jack Sparrow is still captaining the ship. Still you could have some fun pirating your way around the Caribbean. Although I’m not sure how that conversation would go down with your holiday insurance – “Yes sir, of course we can insure against Pirates… sorry… what do you mean I misheard? What do you mean ‘do we insure Pirates?!”

3rd – The Enterprise 22%

Ahh, now this is more like it! Of course there have been lots of Enterprises, but if your going to go in the lap of luxury, you really want the Enterprise D, captained by John Luc Picard. Whilst it may have been a bit tasty in a dust up, but they didn’t skimp on the leisure facilities, boasting a rocking bar (Ten-Forward), and numerous holodecks. Even if you’re stuck in middle of nowhere, you could nip into a virtual holonovel and have yourself an adventure which was out of this world! You might even be lucky (or unlucky) enough to catch the ships 2nd in command whip out his trombone and give it a blow…

2nd – The Mayflower – 20%

Okay… If your idea of a good time is to be trapped for 2 months with 120 odd other people, with little food, getting battered by waves, and being roped into having to help the crew repair the ship mid-voyage or you’ll all be stranded in the middle of the Atlantic, then go for it! Not to mention the fact that you’ve got a 50/50 chance of surviving the winter when you get off at the other side…

1st – Titanic… 29.4%

Number 1? Seriously?? Okay, lets assume you’ve paid £800 (in today’s money) for a one-way first class berth ticket (or the 30 grand for a parlor suite if you’re feeling flush), it might be a fairly pleasant cruise… at first… Right up to the point it decides to loose a battle with an MASSIVE iceberg, then I imagine it might be somewhat less pleasant…. what with all the screaming, and drowning, and fighting for space in a lifeboat… Not really the sort of relaxing holiday I would have in mind to be honest. Although if I was going to go, I can only hope it’s before that French-Canadian siren starts caterwauling that god-awful song that which wouldn’t leave the charts for weeks on end…

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